If your answer is “Yes” to all the above questions, my
response is “Really”? Reason why I asked that question is because settling into
Lagos would be a major challenge for you.
But help is here!! Guy-Man-no-dey-come-Last finishing College, Igando, Lagos State is where you want to be.
Since time immemorial, living in Lagos has never been
for the faint hearted. We have come across documents of Lagosian using false
bottoms in barrels of palm oil for sale, as far back as the 15th
Century. Can you imagine what these people would have evolved to? The modern
Lagosian is a madman!!
And that is where we come in. We assist you adjust to
the Lagos scene. Be you a professional, a medical practitioner, an okada driver, a bus driver, a government
official, a law enforcement agent and even a religious leader.
We have experts from all over the world trained in the act of irresponsible behaviours from some of the most unliveable cities in the world. From Harare, Dhaka, and even Baghdad, seasoned specialists are available to provide you with case studies and 1st hand examples of tactics you can adopt to ensure your adjustment to living in Lagos is seamless.
- Deal with police officer;
- Earn a living doing nothing;
- Show off an attitude that can piss your customers off;
- Jump queues;
- How to fart in public (without making a sound);
- The best way to shakara (special courses on telling them “do know who I am”);
- Brag (even when there is nothing to brag about);
- Silence you conscience and do what benefits you (and only you).
- Effectively collect bribe (for law enforcement agents: we teach all the secrets things they don’t teach you in training school. Like how to collect eguje and make the “accused” think you are doing your job);
- Inflate prices (and use strange accents to backup the reasons for the exorbitant prices);
- Bad time keeping (for artisans, we go further in perfecting the art cheating your clients well with fake parts and substandard goods);
- Public transportation- the art of being an okada man, conductor and a danfo driver- [Due to the sensitivity of this sector, we also have voice coaching centres for the conductors and unruly driving techniques (for okada men and bus drivers)];
- Health is wealth, indeed (Providing health with no compassion).
And a many more other trainings bound to make you
perfectly Anyhow, thereby fit for
Lagos.
Here is a comment from one of our satisfied customers:
“Hello all, My name is Peter Busayo-McPhillips. I am 39
years old. I attended Atlantic Hall, Lagos State for my secondary school education. My further
studies was in the prestigious Eton College, United Kingdom where I studied the Classic.
I come from a family of distinguished lawyers & professors.
After twenty years of living in the United Kingdom,
and France, I decided to move back to Nigeria to join the family business. It
was tough integrating back to Nigeria. People took advantage of my good
behaviour and ethics. Not until I came to the Guy- man- no- dey- come- Last Finishing
College Lagos.
Now I know how to shout “your father” in traffic. I
once bashed a danfo driver, gave him a slap and screamed “do you know who I am”
even when ! was at fault. I belch after every meal without covering my mouth. And
even though I am married, I still provide Aristo services to two girls currently in the
University.
Whilst living the United Kingdom, my dream was to change
Nigeria. I hoped for the day Nigeria would rise to its rightful position as the
Giant of Africa. That is no longer the case. All the money I make is going
towards the house I am building in Bishop’s Avenue, London. I support all the politicians
(even when I am sure they don’t have a clue what they are doing) as long as
they give me deals. I owe my employees six month wages. But who cares; it is
all about the money for me!
Thank you Guy-man-no-dey-
come-Last Finishing College Lagos; for saving my life”.
So there you have it.
Next time you meet a friends based abroad intending on relocating, anytime you visit those butter children who attend those private
(sort of boarding school) Universities who just got a job on the Island and wants your advice, when you encounter someone who wants to move
to Lagos from other states within Nigeria, but hasn’t got a clue of how messed up this city is, spread the word:
“With Guy-man-no-dey-come-Last
Finishing College, YOU CAN’T COME LAST IN LAGOS”.
Guy-man-no-dey-come-Last Finish College -Eko oni baje o!


