September 29, 2009.....

... was the date this picture was taken. Nothing special about the picture, but the emotions they hold..

We had been dating for 6 months and were on our way back to Nigeria after a two week vacation in the UK. Our flight to Nigeria was departing in an hour. We were unknowingly searching for something to everlastingly tie us to this moment...and there is was: a picture booth. 

'Click' said the camera ...as my mind raced through the past 14 days. I remembered the dinner with friends, and time with family.

'Click' said the camera.....and realized I hope to feel like this forever.

For decisions making, I had always trusted my analysis. As an analyst I make decision based on criteria, evaluations, ranking and a range of models I was schooled on. The reason for a choice were always based on cost benefit analysis/SWOT analysis as they provide justification, to that which can be justified. But this moment was different. What can completely justify the choice of the right partner? Where will I source for information that will tell me the right questions to ask? How do I know what will happen to next, if we decide to take our relationship to the next level?

Just as the camera flashed, I was convinced that instance, she is the one. I didn't need my analysis....All thoughts on marriage I penned down in this article were of no relevance, neither concerns about my age, or financial instability. Like in a trance, all that mattered was..... that feeling. 

That feeling over time has opened up dimensions within that weren't previously possible. It enabled the creation of inner stability despite negative vibrations in my environment. And these are crucial things in life I never knew existed. If I had followed my model, I might never have realized this level of self-satisfaction existed.

In hind sight, calculations are effective at handling trivial issues. They work best when deployed within controlled environments. But as there a few environments in recent times were things remain constant ceteris paribus, something more concrete is essential. A higher level of reasoning and logic, is required to provide recommendations with much more certainty than from any analysis. A conviction with a clearer sense of logic capable of debunking doubts and concerns that may arise. From this encounter I discovered "it is only in the mysterious equation of love that any truly logical reason can be found"*.

# I_found_a_reason.

*Source of quote: John Nash from the movie "A Beautiful Mind (2001)"

In love for the 10th time

It is always fascinating to watch a movie depicting the romantic relationship between two people. Contemporary media has a very grabbing way of describing how this feeling evolves.

• It starts out with two seemingly unlikely individuals meeting
• A mix of stories is brought into play conjuring up circumstances that creates a “spark” or some form of connection
• Both later share moments that nurtures that spark; it could be an accidental kiss or a discussion in which certain emotions are revealed, or it could be just time spent together 
• To spice things up, we spin in a twist in which one of the individuals (usually the female) is made to question the love of the other  
• The other person (usually the male) then comes to the rescue, delivering an intense statement about the moments spent together and how he/she realized that they are standing face to face with the ONE. Their spark is revived with that special kiss (can you hear that soulful and electrifying music in the background?)

After watching for an hour thirty minutes, we are “educated” on new ways in which two people can meet the ONE they dream of, fall in “love”, get married and live happily ever after. Most romantic movies, (with little variation here and there), follow this template; though delivering a story that can make the pattern seem non-existent.

Don’t get me wrong I love romantic movies.

•  I loved when Tristan danced with Yvaine aboard the thunder capturing ship (in the movie “Star dust”) and she (being a star) glows and giggles. It was magical how she glowed when she asked him if he was tempted by lure of eternal life.
• Giselle song “How do you know” to Robert, and her last glance at him after the beautiful dance to Jon McLaughlin’s “So close” was, just as the name of the movie goes, “Enchanted”.

But is there a possibility that more and more of these movies re-wire us to think of love in terms of youthfulness and sparks?  Let us face it; very few people in this world possess their own original opinion on issues. Opinion leaders recycle/synthesize other opinions till they arrive at a conclusion that seems to resonate with what they think reality should be. The rest of the world just follows what the main stream says. And when the main stream says we run, we ask how far?

So when the media gives a suggestion about what relationship is all about, people act based on their interpretation of what they heard.  If the world continually uses the lens of contemporary media for its definition of what love is, it might affect some relationships in areas of longevity as people interpret the lack of a “spark” for incompatibility.

On a personal note, it has been 3 years since I met her.  It was exciting as we explored each other’s routines and developed our combined motions. Then the thrills of a 1^st kiss and holding hands and just getting to understand someone who thought the world about you          (maybe because she didn’t know better.lol). Marriage, which was a year ago, led to uncharted territory. If I look forward to that thrills of a 1^st kiss again, I could be destroying the foundation of a wonderful home and even the mental stability of a role model in the next generation.

Instead our desires should be towards a deeper bond; one that provides the other, the required support for dealing with the pressures of everyday life while maintaining an inner balance. It should be towards understanding each other’s visions and working out ways in which we can accomplish all we hope to achieve. We should be conceptualizing methods towards opening up the pathways to each other’s souls. In this process entangling our minds to a point where they are no longer separable.

And that should be the desire and mark of fulfillment in all relationships. The world should celebrate couples who are able to hold on through thick and thin, because the solid foundation of the histories we treasured were build on people who endured and developed characters under harsh conditions.

I think that should be the renewed focus of contemporary media; reminding people of the joy of falling in love again, even for the 10^th time.

Avatar

Within your depth, I am led to an experience
An experience both strange and familiar to me
Strange in daily manifestation; familiar in it usual rituals
But filled with interactions that renew my soul

It is from this interaction that your words emerged within me taking a personality of its own in my sub-conscious,
A personality I am in constant conversation with even during your absence

It is this personality that stays with me, as I go about in daily chores
It is this personality that provide words to help me understand the times and how to navigate my way towards a preferred future, or rise about circumstances that stand against me
It is with these words I am able in hold on to the unseen with hope, believing that in life’s daily routines, I am enriched with the strength I need to actualize the tomorrow I crave

Our continual conversation has forged a union ordained by the Divine
A union that provides the conviction that you will always be there
Cos during physical encounters I become aware of one truth,
We are one spirit expressing one idea, in our different forms

Expressions of Care

I believe the foundation of a marriage rest on a life that you share
The strength of that life is holding to God,
He along gives us with the challenges we can bear

From these challenge emerge pleasures of one another,
perfected when both partners stay near
When they are willing to hear
And still remain sincere.

It is important to accept that your responsibilities are to shield one another from individual fears

And build homes that are sanctuaries, with each member being there
But all this happens when your home is love,

and love becomes possible with expressions of care

Second Discovery of Fire

Someday after we have mastered the wind, the waves and gravity, we shall harness for God, the energies of love. And then for the second time, man would have discovered fire.
Pierre Tiehard de Chardin

I still remember the 29th of Feb 2008, when you asked that profound question:
"What would you rather do?"
I was always lost in thoughts pondering about my current state, comparing current realities and the ideas I have of an ideal.

I would love to explore the world. A rolling stone, no strings, no attachment, and all memories of fantasies the average man never saw.
I imagined myself as the modern Viking, conquering territories in search for the golden flees.
The thought being an astronaut would have been great. The vastness of outer space provides exploration with no boundaries.
In all my desires, I find one thing common;
© that desire to be seen;
© that basic human need to feel accepted by humanity
But as always, that question kept lurking in the dark corners of my mind.
Little did I know destiny was beaconing on me.
Not until I stumbled in my life walk and received enlightenment.
That understanding that:
© Experiences are meaningless unless shared and used to shape a version of hope
© Whatever hope held is vanity unless it helps in establishing sustainable future
© The sustainability of a future is based on how much of it the visionary can create
© Creative ability depends on how much of it is unleashed.
And to unleash would mean a freedom of being, soul, and mind. That tri-team is anchored on the simple heartfelt desire to make the world a better place for two (me & you).
So what would I rather do?
I would rather
© explore all possibilities in space reachable by within the depth of your soul
© The look in your eye would reveal to me the beauty of the earth
© Engaging in your internal conversations would quench that thirst for fables & tales of mysteries
© The warmth of your smile would appease more than the approval of all strangers
The answer to your question is clear.
There are many different experiences possible in life. But of all, I think the most fulfilling is that choice with that one capable of unleashing the abilities in the heart; that one capable of enabling the second discovery of fire.
What I would rather do, is take that life walk with you.