Do things fall apart when they leave?

Think of a life & think of a poem,

Where everyone is a word.

A poem where a word is the thought that we bring,

The thought behind our work,

as we till the earth for substance,

It is the thought found in our essence,

the idea transmitted during interactions.

That word is who we are,

All look similar,

Yet perfect in our own ways,

And unique in our own expressions.

All part of that poem,

That poem that has been weaved up since creation,

Capturing the misery of the human experience,

An experience filled with love, hate, ambition, the quest to protect personal possession and a halfhearted desire to provide for the next generation.

Though every word released destines out to accomplish a personal purpose,

It is not aware that it's ways are being orchestrated by a Divine Being to flow in harmony with the rhythm of the times.

With this Icon passing, the tempo changes,

The poem has lost an essence,and even when replaced, the new never flows like the old.

With these departures,

the new words that are born ushers in a new era which is a new verse,

Changing the tempo of the poem, in the rhyme of life.

Dedicated to Professor Albert Chinualumogu Achebe, 16 November 1930 – 21 March 2013.

September 29, 2009.....

... was the date this picture was taken. Nothing special about the picture, but the emotions they hold..

We had been dating for 6 months and were on our way back to Nigeria after a two week vacation in the UK. Our flight to Nigeria was departing in an hour. We were unknowingly searching for something to everlastingly tie us to this moment...and there is was: a picture booth. 

'Click' said the camera ...as my mind raced through the past 14 days. I remembered the dinner with friends, and time with family.

'Click' said the camera.....and realized I hope to feel like this forever.

For decisions making, I had always trusted my analysis. As an analyst I make decision based on criteria, evaluations, ranking and a range of models I was schooled on. The reason for a choice were always based on cost benefit analysis/SWOT analysis as they provide justification, to that which can be justified. But this moment was different. What can completely justify the choice of the right partner? Where will I source for information that will tell me the right questions to ask? How do I know what will happen to next, if we decide to take our relationship to the next level?

Just as the camera flashed, I was convinced that instance, she is the one. I didn't need my analysis....All thoughts on marriage I penned down in this article were of no relevance, neither concerns about my age, or financial instability. Like in a trance, all that mattered was..... that feeling. 

That feeling over time has opened up dimensions within that weren't previously possible. It enabled the creation of inner stability despite negative vibrations in my environment. And these are crucial things in life I never knew existed. If I had followed my model, I might never have realized this level of self-satisfaction existed.

In hind sight, calculations are effective at handling trivial issues. They work best when deployed within controlled environments. But as there a few environments in recent times were things remain constant ceteris paribus, something more concrete is essential. A higher level of reasoning and logic, is required to provide recommendations with much more certainty than from any analysis. A conviction with a clearer sense of logic capable of debunking doubts and concerns that may arise. From this encounter I discovered "it is only in the mysterious equation of love that any truly logical reason can be found"*.

# I_found_a_reason.

*Source of quote: John Nash from the movie "A Beautiful Mind (2001)"

Jitters

January 20, 2009

Minutes before his madien address, no one observed that he was lost in thought....

Source:goo.gl/4zGUR

 “Is this really all I have worked hard to achieve? Am I prepared for this? Is this all there is to it? So every minute I will be in the spotlight!! Naa.. this isn't really what I want… Stay focused. This is your moment to shine…Just repeat this to yourself “I cannot fail. I cannot fail ”. Besides, you have a lot to offer... A lot to offer? Everyone knows this is all there is to me. I am all mouth.. ok I am lanky with big ears and I have a smoking problem. Talk about an exciting life… You forgot to mention " and I adore my wife" Oh yeah that too. But seriously, how does that count? If we go by my father's origin alone, I am not fit for this because..... Is this what you choose to believe? Things have changed and you better get used to it. Every minute of the last 47 years has been spent preparing for this moment. This goes beyond your ego; this is destiny boy… Destiny…hmm..so am I destined. I might be the 1st, but what does that count for? Being the 1st, I might stammer and make a fool of myself. Somebody might ask a question I am not prepared for. Or they might throw eggs at me with the whole world watching. Did you rehearse for this speech? Well…yeah. I have done that over 20 times, every day for the past three weeks… Then why are you worried? Remember it was the same you that brought the Jeremiah incident under control...... This is a lot more complex than that… We all know that. But that was preparation for the type of challenges you will encounter. Really, there is nothing to be jittery about ..... I can't help but be afraid. This is major. Does that mean I can no longer do something as simple and regular as work on a blackberry? I can’t even wish Genevieve a happy birthday without causing a stir. What if I become like Bill and find my secretary attractive? That will be a disaster for my ladies... Calm down. Here they come…You are about to speak. stay in character. OK. I cannot fail. I cannot fail”

His heartbeat raced faster as he was introduced…….. 

“To give his inaugural speech, I will like to introduce the President Elect of the United State of America. Mr Barack Obama.....”

Matthew, Clement & Justin

About Matthew
‎"It was 12pm mid-day on Falomo bridge. I walked up to his car, a golden Toyota Camry. 
The reflection of the sunlight almost prevented me from seeing his face. But I saw it; he looked well-fed and humane; probably 35 years old cladded in white native. It looked like he was on the phone. That was my cue. I emptied my eva bottle of water and soap on his windscreen before he could turn on his wiper in defence; I earned N100 for that act. 
My name is Matthew. I run a traffic mobile cash-wash!!

About Clement
OK. I am checking out the man as he walks up to the swing door and entrance to the eatery where I am. He is with wife and their son. He is wearing white linen pants with a blue teeshirt. He is holding a blackberry phone (Chei- Bold5, bigz boi- I think to myself). 

His wife has this expensive weave-on and is looking chic in her long flowing Ankara dress with flowery patterns. Their son seems lost in his ipad viewed through thick almost binoculars-like eye glasses. 
“What are you having Tomiwa” says the man, as he opens the door.

“I am ok. I think it is noteworthy to state that I am really concerned about your cholesterol level, dad. Your choice of food these day is, for the lack of a better word, unbecoming” replied the 11 year old Tomiwa.
(“Butter” I thought “that is N1million a term plus bi-annual tour round Europe speaking”). 
“Good afternoon”.
“Don’t worry son. Daddy will have a six-pack, soon”.
“It is not about looking healthy; it is about feeling healthy. There is a discipline to everything. And knowing this is the secret to longevity” he continues.
“Tomiwa, this internet has started turning your head again. Bimbo, listen to your son”. She wasn’t interested in their conversation. She chatted away on her phone slowly moving from their company. 
“Can I be excused? David, just get me a bottle of water” replied Bimbo.
“ Can I have two meat pies, one fanta and a donut . Oh and for Bimbo, a bottle of water, please”. 
“120+120 that is N240. N240+N100+N100+N70 that is emmm N510” I thought to myself looking towards his hand as he pulled out a N1000 note.
“Sir for change,do you have N10 so I can give you N500”said the server. 
“Ah! And I just used it” he exclaimed. 
The server gave him the change in the denominations:
* 1 two hundred naira note, 
*2 one hundred naira notes, 
*1 fifty naira note, 
* and 2 twenty naira notes. 

I lit up, knowing I might still have a chance. As he walked to the where I was, I gladly opened the door. 
My response wasn’t with my initial tone; there wasn’t that blandness of the “Good afternoon” I had welcomed them with. 
Instead, my response had a glow to it and an expression of my desire-
“Oga, Happy Weekend, sir” I said with a salute and a smile.

My name is Clement. I am the security officer at the new MasterBiggs restaurant in Akute.

About Monday
Today the streets are clear. With this, I can’t help but wonder, how will I pay my rent, which is due today? The Easter holidays made this Monday quite uneventful. We sat for hours and waited for a miracle; for something. I remember yesterday’s inspirational message: I remember the pastor speak about hope because “our God works in mysterious ways”. 
Just then, Rasidi's call came through my mobile ph

one.

“E don happen” was the 1st thing he said.
A tanker had collided with a luxurious bus along the narrow Akute Road. The luxurious bus was carrying passengers on their way to Benin from the just concluded Israelites in Nigeria Mission’s Church annual convention titled “Condemn all your enemies to God’s judgment” which, according to reliable sources, attracted over 20,000 people from across the globe. Nobody was hurt; but the accidents caused a serious gridlock around the area.
YOU COULDN’T EXPECT TO SPEND LESS THAN 2 HOURS FOR A 20 MINUTES JOURNEY!!!!

I approached an Okada to take me to the scene. Imagine the okada man tried to charge me N80 instead of N50; the guy was trying to make money over what just happened, because of what I do. I showed him, that I myself, sabi Lagos. As I hopped on the okada towards the scene, I couldn't help but feel a little less tensed about my rent:
-Rasidi had settled the area boys for the three of us (to include Tolu) to operate freely around the Water Corporation side of the road;
-And what made it even better for Rasidi and I was Tolu was opting out as he was chatting up a girl from his village called Bisi …. and things were looking really “positive” for him; “going down tonight” positive.

“MY GUY the hammer of today no go get part 2. All of the people never break dem fast”-was Rasidi last statement before I headed off to meet him.
Truly our God works in mysterious ways- I thought.

My name is Justin. I sell pure water along the Pen Cinema traffic in Agege, Lagos State.

Let's Remain Strangers

…So he walks up to where she sits,

He smiles and request he sits with her,

She wonders his motives, as she eats her meal,

She is sitting on a table by the wall,

She agrees and wriggles inward towards the wall,

                He looks like a nice guy-She thinks

He wriggles in, and sits by the edge.

He asks for her name and she replies,

He makes a joke about her fingers,

She thinks the joke is funny,

She couldn’t resist,

She smiles in response to his comment,

She lets go of her guard and encourages him to speak more,

They speak for hours and explore topics of mutual interest,

Her smile was captivating,

His sense of humour was intoxicating.

Their conversation dig deep into personal issues,

She feels she is letting go,

She feels she is opening up too much,

She feels they are getting too comfortable,

She looks at his face and wonders if she would see this face forever.

Her mind goes to work …

They talk about forever and ever..is that really possible?
How would you look at me when all is said and done?
When you figure the formula behind me?
Would I need to constantly re-invent myself to get your attention?

Your eyes are blank,

Without words,
Nothing.
I am looking deep in and wondering, what could you be trying to say?
Would you appreciate my deepest needs?
Would you understand I need encouragement?

I really don’t want to get hurt,

One encounter of James is enough for a lifetime,
And this blank stare takes me back to that moment,
He told me he loved me (but I don’t remember: did he say he would stay?)
I remember our last days together,
I would desire he stared at me the way he once did, like I moved his world,
I would hope he would hold my hands in public,
Or write me love letters; you know that mushy stuff.

I remember when we strolled together in the rain,
He said something profound, justifying the walk,
About how the human body is 70% water,
About how we need to synchronize our internal waters with the rhythm of the rain,
Because that’s what makes us truly one.
“White gowns and religious houses were coined up by men. 
What unites is rhythm; Rhythm of our waters”.
Nkechi thought I was mad when I showed up at her door dripping wet and smiling,
But there is only so much words can express.

Back to the blank stare.
“There is more to this than your eyes can decipher” was his reason.
“I always had words and expressions bottled in; the problem was expressing it” he continued.
“But what about our rhythm; but James, I still feel that rhythm?”
“Water, flows darling and my water flowed away...”
He left my life, no reasons given, never to return.

I shouldn’t be thinking of this,
I bind such evil thoughts from my mind,
This guy seems different,
Maybe he is the ONE.

 “Let all conversations & interaction be superficial” was a thought.
“ (But he sounds so sweet and I want to tell him more)”.
 “Hold up girl, you have to play it safe. Lets follow the Cosmopolitan 12 step guide to falling in love”.
“(But what if the guide is wrong?)”.
“It can’t be. It was written by Cosmopolitan”.
“(So does it mean I cannot take care of myself, does it mean I require the advice of some writers miles away to know what to do?)”
“What about your experience with James?”
“(James was a one-off. Let me let this guy into my life. I can take care of myself).
“If you can take care of yourself, would you be having a conversation with yourself?”
“(hmmmmm.....)”.

          

The waiter brings the bill and puts it on the table,

Almost immediately, she asks if she could be excused,

He rises to let her out and looks at her,

She looks at him and smiles,

As she moves to the toilet, her body brushes past his and he wonders if he would feel her  this close every night, forever.

His mind goes to work...

If I give in to you, can you handle my history?
Would you stay knowing I have baggage like, memories of my ex?
I still remember how she used her index finger to trace lines across my face…
I still remember her black underwear…
I still remember how she sleepwalks to the fridge…
I still remember her eyes...
Mariam, we had secrets, and defined the world based on it.

These secrets have evolved into strongholds buried deep within me,
Shaping my world view and how I interact with all around me.
 Sometimes they show up at awkward moment;
Like when you spoke about your desire to learn music, I had a flashback:
My mind drifted to when I met her little sister who loved Mariah Carey and I did a small comparison;
“what are the similarities between you and my Mariam?
What are the differences?”

That is me. 
It will take you a lifetime to discover all that lies underneath,
to appreciate all the experiences of mine and those of my peers,
all the various permutations & synthesizing of thoughts and how they shaped my version of reality…
I am young man with a young heart who has met and loved,
Many don’t understand my motives,
As a man, it is about the experience and the thrills of the journey.

I have no desires for hurt- to hurt others or be hurt,
But my greatest clamour is for a moment in time when I would share ALL with her,
That bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh,
That one with whom I totally connect.

And I thought it would be Mariam,
I told her all and she swallowed my words,
 I shared my deepest fear,
And in moments of strife, she used my words as weapons,
Exposing me and letting all know I am weak.

Let us remain strangers…
Let us draw from what we already know and from experiences we have had in life to build our assumptions of one another,
It will save us the stress of real discovery,
A process that requires deep emotional haggle;
One that requires the personal touch, exposing habits,
In that process we might encounter our greatest fear,
I might hurt you or you might hurt me.

We could satisfy our lustful desire,
And we could even stay together for years,
We could go on to see the world together,
We could establish a connection but it would be superficial,
There would be territories we would not explore,
Our relationship would have boundaries, invisible to all our physical senses,
We would  fully open up and reveal all except that one thing that truly makes us who we are.

She strolls back to her seat and he stands up to leave.
“I had a nice evening” He says as he pays the waiter off.

‘Me too” was her response.

“We should do this another time” He says.

“Yes, we should".
“What about...tonight?”

They both smile.

Encounter with an Okada Rider

LOOKING FOR AN OKADA

“Okada...!! Kofo?”
“ Oga na N200”.

“From here to Kofo ke? Bro!! Na N100 I go pay”

“Oga , no way. Na N150 last. Dem dey catch okada for Ozumba. Na Adeola Odeku I go pass”

“I beg take N100”

Okada drives off, slowly…

“Oya wait.  I beg drive soffery”

“No wahala” was the response followed by the strong smell of palm-wine in his breath.

ON THE OKADA
Me to myself: “I had no choice; I couldn’t continue waiting at this time of the night for another bus. That naked mad man holding his winky sitting over there didn’t look extra friendly. He might decide he wants to touch my clothes”

Okada man to himself “oh boy, after I drop this man, I go buy palmwine from Nwanchukwu …..”

 Me to myself: “which sort of okada is this? There is almost no where for me to put my leg on. God I hope to I get there in one piece”

Okada man to himself “Dat Nwachukwu sef. Him papa. Why that guy no want give person jara. Na from that girl I go buy from next. Precious. The problem be say Precious own no de catch person sef. But e be like say she like prick. Okon give am sef…”

  Me to myself: “There is no substitute for this madness. See how he rides, doesn’t this guy understand brakes. Gosh man! I hope this guy doesn’t get to hit anything. This is preposterous. God I hate my boss. Always putting me under unnecessary pressure. This country is too hectic. Next time, late or no late, I will use my car”

Okada man to himself “Oh boy that girl must sabi do. See her yansh. That one shacks go finish man. I fit give am belle sef” He smiled to himself.

“Bros, se you hold change”

“Oga how much?”

“Na N1000”

“Oga I no get change oh!”

Okada man to himself “E good say I don hide all my change. All these aje butter boys. Im no go wan drag change with me. That N1,000. I fit get room for Gordon side, Precious, your orobo go precious today…”

Me to myself: “No way I am giving this drunkard more than the N150 we agreed for. Does he know how  hard I worked to get this money? This country is filled with quacks, who all they know how to do is ask and ask and ask”

“WE NEED CHANGE OH”

“Okada, park for there, under that tree”

“Oga, my money”

“Na only N1,000, I get, I no get change oh”

“Oga, you go forget the change oh! I dey run, you wan spoil my business. Abi, you wan give me the money make I go find change?”

“No way. You sabi person for here?  Na my area be this. Make I ask person for change”

“Bro" I say to the security man  "I beg you get change? I suppose pay this okada man N150 and na N1000 I get”

Security man to himself: “Idiot. Na when im need person, he go remember. Since I join this office e never give me nothing. He go dem waka dey go like say na im papa work. God go punish am. Make I give am N650. E fit kuruma forget balance, give me”

“Na only N650 I get, sir. You go take?”

 “Na! Ma worry mo so gbo?. Thank you”

Me to myself: “Obviously an undercutting ploy. Boy I can smell you from a mile. I see the way you look at me from a distance, giving me your “I_go_ school_ too” look and try to speak good English, and at the same time messing up your  tenses. Oga. Sorry, you_ just_ can’t_chop_me, sir. Not today”.

“Samuel" I say to the hawker who sells DVD just outside my office " I beg, you get change for N1,000?”

“Chai, I no get oh. I just give person all my small small change”.

DVD man to himself “this boy wey no too dey buy DVD. Na only 3 DVD he don buy out of which he return one say e no clear. All these people sef. Chai. Dem no wan lose N1”.

“Oga, please give me money make I dey go now” groans the okada man.

THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP

“Mallam, sanu. I beg, you get change?”.

“Yes, I get”.

Mallam to himself: “When this man go buy this im instant coffee? Na im dey buy pass before? Before na nice guy. E no dey complain about the N5 I dey put on top.”

Mallam gives me the change.

“Thank you”

“E don tey when you come greet your boy. I get am for coffee, plenty plenty”

“Na the diet wey I dey on. My doctor talk say make I no dey drink too much coffee”

Me to myself: “Rip off sucker. This thing goes for N25 in other places. I can get it for N20 if I buy in bulk.  See your hungry head, selling it for N30”

“That one good ooo! Make you greet madam for me”

Mallam to himself: “which kind diet, with this kind big belle.Bros,  I see when you dey buy digestive everyday from Goodies”

“Oga I wan dey go, I beg my money oh!”

I hand over the N150 to the okada rider. Put it in his pocket and rode away, bringing an end to our brief encounter/relationship.

21st of July

It was his only chance to get out alive.

He jumped out the window, knowing the entrance to the flat was surrounded.

….And he ran like he had never run before!

The memories of the event populated his thoughts, confusing his steps as he ran along the streets: destination unknown!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had ransacked the whole place, collected all that was collectable and tied the couple together in the centre of the room

“ONLY N50,000? OH BOY THIS NA BAD JOB. SOLO, MAKE YOURSELF A MAN! WHEN LIFE GRABS YOUR BALLS, YOU BURST THE BALLS OF THE NEXT MAN. NA YOU GO EX THESE PEOPLE!!!” was the instruction of Emmanuel.

Solomon's shaking hands aimed and shot at the head a begging man. As the man stumbled, his wife screamed and he shot her too.

The whole thing took about 10 seconds, but that moment, felt like eternity…

The bullet left the barrel with a loud noise “bang” shooting through the air, heading for the target….

He remembered the words of Emmanuel as they planned the attack “the guy is like 32 sha. He lives around Igando. We know commandant for that area, so no be big issue. Tona na your car we go use”

The man had a look of plea in his face, as he witnessed his own death…..

“ No wahala. I suppose take the car go Cotonou go sell after. They say the maga na oil worker. Dem boys gats kishi. If that guy no prepare, he fit get N500,000 for house. Na small job. We fit carry Solo come” Tona added  

The bullet pierced into his skull, tearing open the flesh and blood vessels, lifting up the man from his feet….

“Yeae paripa… I don kill person. Na so person dey die?  Oh Boy I don become murderer! Solo, concentrate na him business jo, I gats to chop! Na these people get money pass, na dem spoil country for us! I gats to chop” he thought to himself

Bang! Bang! Bang! Was the sound of his gun as three bullets were squeezed from the barrel of his gun into the neck of the wife, permanently silencing her

“Solo, our elders say the one that befriends the Cobra and makes him play dead, is the one town crier would call the hero.” Was his dad last statement to him as he departed for Lagos

She slumped on to the body of her husband with no care of her nudity…her body….lifeless

“Solomon, you can’t do this forever! How those babes go dey look us? You no fit dey dey do mechanic work anymore. You pass that one well” was Samson’s luring line to Solo in every effort to entice his younger brother

A visibly shaken Solomon dropped the gun as his thoughts were interrupted by a gun shot, “RATATATATATATA!!!!”

…was the next thing he heard as the glass door (that covered the stairways) scattered next to him

“OPC PEOPLE DON LAND!!” Emmanuel screamed

Even as Emmanuel beckoned on him to wait, Solomon ran straight to the next room, which was a toilet and locked the door; his heart beating like it was about burse.

 He climbed out from the window’s toilet and jumped two storeys down on to the bonnet of a black sedan parked in the drive way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They hadn’t thought OPC vigilante members would respond quickly,

they hadn’t thought the man would have only N50,000 in the house,

they…in fact they hadn’t thought about a lot of thing.

And Solomon was now an outlaw. He broke entry into a guarded property. He had the blood of two innocent people on his hands!!! 
This is not the life he every planned for!!

He ran aimlessly on the street hoping that he would see someone or something that he recognizes …..

  “BANG! BANG!! BANG!!!!”

Immediately he heard that sound, all the lights went out...........